“What I’m Feel’n”

So today I was sitting in my local library after my son and I return some DVD’s and checked out some more art books. After reading some posts on FB I realize that there is nothing I would like more than to be in my own segregated community and just enjoy my life. I know that seems unfair to those that may be reading this entry but I am being honest.

This library I am sitting in at the moment has activities that are hosted by the staff and patrons and I think about getting involved but then I remember how awkward I would feel in a sea of White Folks, just trying to enjoy a program that could be useful for my son and I. Soon after thinking this my phone rings. Its my husband, a call I had been waiting on, to determine how long my son and I will be staying at our local library, since it gets dark after 5:30 pm. I didn’t want to leave my son to go outside to take the call so I lowered my voice and talked with my husband assuming it would be a brief call.

None the less the call went on longer than I expected and I couldn’t understand why the reception was so loud. A librarian came by to ask me to take my phone from speaker phone but I had to prove to her that my phone was not. I was very uncomfortable and a little angry. Although I am sure that the library computer section is not a place for phone calls. I am also aware of the very loud conversations that take place on the regular around me all the time, and not once have I witnessed any one being told to quiet down. I can’t help but to feel targeted and that the staff may have been waiting for the opportunity to come and put me in my place.

I know that there are rules to be followed and I have no problem with following said rules, but some where deep inside I felt a form of resistance. I felt like I was under attack. I couldn’t help but to feel as if this small incident was really part of something much bigger, and not just my imagination. So I have come to believe that I need to be with my own, and around like minds. That is the only solution I can come to. This is of course not possible at this time, because there aren’t many options and for some reason social media has made it impossible for people to actually get together because we have become virtually socialized. This has me feeling a bit trapped and insecure.

Consider the fight Dr. King had on his hands when he was alive, the fact that he was trying to negotiate with people who didn’t want him to sit near them in restaurants, on buses, in class rooms, hospitals or even on the same side walk. I understand the feeling of  just wanting to live in peace, regardless of where one is. To just be left alone and not intimidated.

I think we had it all wrong from the start, of course one knows when they are unwelcome, no matter how many laws are passed. To have the freedom to go any where you please, and to feel safe and sound may seem unrealistic, but that is what I an most people desire. Excuse my rant but this was on my mind today due to all of the mis information about what Dr. King stood for, and the political side of things. Sometimes people just want to be…

Published by Akosua Akoben

I am a creative, this is unlimited in that creation changes by the second. I was born and raised in Cincinnati OH but currently reside in Louisville KY. In applying African Socialism one has to be of a global mindset, so therefore it takes a huge imagination to be a Black Female Sociologist, mother to a Black male child, wife to a Black Male, and a world changer! You can call me an "Afrofuturologist"!!

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